Penny:
I have the same problem. I also have degenerative and herniated disks, so I never know what is causing what. I have constant muscle pain in neck, shoulders and back, along with general over-all muscle aches.
I have tried so many different things, some help short term and some not at all. I did physical therapy like you did and it helped a lot while I was going, but as soon as I stopped, I was right back to where I was. My insurance only pays for 20 sessions a year and I went twice a week, so I only got 10 weeks out of it.
I never thought my problem was muscle spasms associated with Lupus, I figured it was myalgia from muscle inflammation. It is similar to Fibromyalgia, but that does not respond to steroids; mine does seem to respond to steroids and anti-inflammatories. I have been getting Trigger Point Injections in my back and neck which do help, but again, short term. Every six to eight weeks I have about 12 injections in my muscles.
I also have a TENS Unit which I use when muscles are really tight and stiff. It really takes the edge off, but I end up wearing it for about 6 hours straight. I wear it at work under my shirt.
Like you, I use a heating pad as much as I can. The winter months are especially hard. I also have a few prescriptions that help.
It sounds like you pretty much do all of the things that I do, except for the injections. I haven't found anything that works long term and it's a daily juggling act to get to the point of functioning. The only thing that did work, Lyrica, ended up causing intolerable side effects.
I ended up seeing a pain management specialist because my rheumatologist was unable to prescribe pain meds that suited my needs. I guess in this area they are getting a lot of heat about certain prescriptions and they are referring their Lupus patients out for that. It upset me because when I got to pain management, they had never had a Lupus patient and didn't quite know what to do with me. I saw two doctors who didn't help much and then saw a PA. She has done more for me in the past 6 years than any doctor I've seen, so it worked out in the end. I have some days now where I can tolerate it because of the TENS and injections.