A bad week

Ive been having a bad week. Just very stressful at work. Then yesterday I got home from work changed and well Ive been feeling itchy for a few weeks now scratched myself and decided that I should just shower. I got out put my glasses on and I have petichia (sp) all over my chest where I scratched. I noticed some around my my ankles where my socks sit. I just want to cry. Last week my counts were 25. Not great. Ive been on an aggressive taper (in my mind) 5 mg a week until I hit 10. Im currently at 2mg but my hema decided not to let me drop anymore since my counts dropped so drastically from 3mg to 2mg. Im just worried that they tanked and have been stressing myself all day. I dont know what else to do if they tank yet again. I feel like this is a constant uphill battle. On top of that Ive got horrible headaches, my feet hurt so bad I can barely walk and I just want to give up at this point. What else is there to do? Ive done everything and its just not working. Im afraid to take a vacation because Im so worried my counts will crash and I will be short the time at work. Its been well over 5 yrs since Ive had any time off of work that wasnt related to being sick. Im just so stressed and feel like Im at my breaking point. My hair is coming out in chuncks and I dont know if its the imuran or the stress. My medical coverage changed, my deductible went from 1500 to 1800 I was 200 dollars away from meeting my out of pocket and now have to start all over. I was lucky enough that I got my 1500 that I had already met rolled over, but I was so close to being done for the year. On top of all that I got a bill today for 1100 dollar blood work bill. I just want to sit and cry. Dont I deserve my break?

I wish I could give you a pat on the back. It seems like you are having a very tough time, right now. I totally agree with you...you deserve a break. Sometimes things just seem to pile up on you don't they? And unlike others, we have ITP to deal with too, which is all the more frustrating. Take a deep breath and go do/buy something you really love. For example, go get your favorite starbucks drink? Eat at your favorite restaurant and get whatever you want! Rent your favorite movie and have a fun night in. You can do these "mini breaks" until you get the major break you really deserve! Remember, everything thing you mentioned is a short term problem for a long term life. You will be ok, I promise! It will get better! :0)

Love ya!
Natalie

Oh Jennifer, hugs to you. I think we all can relate to the feeling of frustration and wanting to give up. It seems to be a constant up hill battle. As Natalie said, it will get better. It's just gotta. If you can't afford to buy yourself something special then just take some time for yourself. I don't know where you live but maybe a nice day outside with a good book and a small picnic. Or maybe you could volunteer somewhere for the day. It may do you some good to help others who need a lift too. I dunno. I'll be in prayer for peace for you.

Oh my gosh. I just want to hug you.
I think we can all probably relate to your feelings, even though we have all had different experiences.
When I feel like I am at my wits end, I put the kids to bed, go out on the couch and cry my eyes out. I just cry and cry and cry and feel sorry for myself and be angry and be sad and be frustrated and cry some more.
And then I take a deep breath, wipe my cheeks, re-group, then lay down and watch mindless tv or a comfort movie until I fall asleep. Then by morning I usually feel better. I think the quality of my sleep is better when I'm exhausted from crying.

Sending positive vibes your way..

i,m right there with you.a ditto to other things said to you..

Thank you for your kind words. My counts were not much better a whopping 30, I was unable to drop my prednisone down. I know 2mg doesnt seem like much but Im ready to be off of it. This whole not being able to sleep is really getting me, I think its becuase I have so much going on that I dont let my mind stop I feel like a constant go go go. We will see if they are up Friday and hopefully stop the pred in the next week or two.