My sister

My sister died unexpectedly today. I'm just numb.

So sorry to read that news. My thoughts are with you xx

Sandi, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Norma

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Oh Sandi, so sorry to read this! Thoughts and prayers to you and your family!

My heart goes out to you - I'm so sorry!

My heart aches for you, Sandi. You will be in my prayers, along with your mom and all of your family.

OMG Sandi, that is shocking. Best wishes you you and your family as you struggle with this terrible news.
Erica

Very sad news. I'm sorry, Sandi.

I am so sad for your loss We are all here for you!!!

Cindy Ann

Sandi, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. My thoughts are with you xx

Thanks, everyone. It's been a long day. Viewing tomorrow.

oh no. i'm sorry to hear that.

I am so sorry sandi.

Sandi, I, too, and so sorry to hear about your sister's death. I'm not always on the forum and missed this. My condolences to you and your family. My prayers are with you and your family. I know how it feels as I lost my only sibling (brother) in 2002.

Thinking of you Sandi,
I have experienced similar & it was a huge shock. Took ages to comprehend, especially as her family is interstate & not good communicators.
I hope you are able to nurture yourself enabling you to cope.
mj

I just saw this Sandi and I wanted to add my condolences. I hope you are finding ways to get through this difficult time and please take care of yourself.

My sister lived with my Mom and took care of her. My Mom has memory and mobility problems. My sister was dead for two days before my Mom called anyone...she was in her bedroom downstairs on the floor. We don't know what happened yet.

When my sister died it was from heart failure relating to diabetes.
She was 56, had recently separated from her husband, bought a nice little house & was looking forward to a fresh start. A mutual quilting friend rang me to offer her sympathy after an online quilting forum mentioned my sister's passing & I didn't know what she was talking about! My sister was found by a friend & it took 2 days for police to contact her husband & for him to tell her family!

Sandi, I hope you find out what happened soon & you can work things out for your Mom.
We have 91 year old in-laws, with permanent care, health & independent living issues.
mj

That must have been hard on your Mom, Sandi! I hope she is doing ok. Hopefully you'll find out what happened to your sister soon. What will your mother do now?

My sister was 51. No known health problems.

MJ, that is a horrible story. What a way to find out.

Cindy - my Mom is handling it ok. She is in denial and just pretends that my sister is still downstairs or running errands. I guess it's her way to protect herself emotionally. She hasn't even cried yet.

My Mom's care is now up to me. I will do the best I can, for as long as I can. The problem is that I can't do much these days.

Sandi I am so very sorry about all of this. Your sister was a young woman. I hope you get answers soon.

For you mom I would get whatever help is available. Research all the social services and see what is available. Elder care is exhausting and can be somewhat overwhelming so getting whatever help you can is essential. Transportation help, housekeeping help, pharmacy delivery- anything you can line up takes pressure off you and gets your mom acclimated to outside services. Take care of yourself first- you need to be at the best level you can achieve to help her.

We tried that before when she got out of rehab twice. She doesn't want people in her house. She tells them to leave. "People steal things". When the ambulance came to check on my sister, she would only allow one EMT in. They told her sorry, we work as a team. Then the police came and my Mom kept yelling that she wanted my sister's purse immediately. I said, "Mom, they are cops". She didn't care. Worried about a purse when her house is swarming with police. My sister didn't own anything.

She locks her screen doors and we can't get in her house with a key. We don't even have a key to her doors. I keep telling her that it won't do any good to lock a screen door; anyone can break into it. She still does it. We get in through her garage with a code and that's all well and good until the power goes out or the door breaks.

She's not quite ready for a nursing home and assisted living costs about $5,000 a month for the nice places. One day at a time, I guess.

That's a lot for all of you to be handling. Hope things get easier soon!

Even though my mom knows she can't stay alone, she wishes she had her own place. We're getting along pretty good. We do want to get some help so Steven and I can take off if we want.

Thinking of you all! Take care of yourself too, Sandi! Hugs!

I am so sorry for your loss.

What state do you live in? I found out about a hidden Medicaid program in Ohio that covers Assisted Living, it is called a waiver program. My dad also thinks everybody wants his things, then we caught him in someone else's room stealing chocolate!

My Mom doesn't qualify for Medicaid. She has Medicare.

Sandi
Medicare and mediciad are completely separate programs. Old people get medicare, poor people get medicare and medicaid. Medicaid pays for long term care like home care, assisted living and nursing homes. There are asset and income limits to qualify for medicaid. It is a State run program so the eligibility differs between states. Your mom might qualify for medicaid but she will always keep her medicare. I am an elder law attorney, but only in AZ. You can go to www.naela.org to find an elder law attorney close to you.
Emily

Emily:

Yes, I know the difference. The problem is that the Medicaid funded homes are probably not a place where she would be happy. I don't know any other way to phrase that. She's one that falls in the cracks...not poor enough, not rich enough. We'll figure it out eventually.

This is very sad news! Sending thoughts and prayers your way for you and your family!