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How (and when) to tell someone you're dating about itp?

  • Lman
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  • We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.
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1 year 4 months ago - 1 year 4 months ago #72763 by Lman
Hi! 
I hope everyone is going to have an awesome thanksgiving!

I had a question. How do you talk about itp in the initial phases of a relationship? I explained it to my ex-girlfriend after 6 months of being with each other and she was totally ok with it. I suspect one reason that she had gotten used to me so this small issue was negligible for her. She was the first gf that I opened this up for. During that time I was hinting to her that I should take some precautions with respect to the foods and drugs I use.

Now I'm dating someone (ugh, from a long distance) and it is pretty much a recent thing (less than a month). She found out that I had a medical exemption from conscription (which was mandatory back in our country) and asked me about it. I postponed it to sometimes we can talk, rather than chatting.

My fear is that since we have just gotten to know each other and it is the very first stage of the friendship, she might refuse me. I honestly don't care much since I would just move on to someone better :D. This is something out of my control.

Anyway, how should I explain that to her? And to what extent shall I explain that to her? She has studied premed (and will enter medical college next year) and her parents are doctors and her sister is also a pharmacist, so they will know what I am talking about.  Also, I wanted to know to what level does it make sense for her to ask questions about my medical history? I don't feel comfortable explaining the very little details.

Thanks!

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  • dmurashi09
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  • Diagnosed with ITP in 2011 at age 45. Remission 11 years until 2022.
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1 year 4 months ago #72827 by dmurashi09
Since it's been almost 4 weeks since you posted this, the first question would be if you are still dating.  If so, and if I were in your situation, I might bring up your ITP in the context of a relevant conversation.  Maybe when she is discussing medical school or medical conditions she is studying. "Oh, btw, I have a condition that causes low platelets called ITP." Or something to that effect.  Another option is to be totally open, "I wanted you to know now rather than later that I have a condition....".  It's better for you and for her to know early if your ITP presents some kind of issue for her.  Just my two cents.  Good luck.
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1 year 3 months ago #72862 by poseymint
Lman  How is it going with the girlfriend? My first thought was that there might be more judgement coming from the parents than the daughter since they are doctors. Parents can be very protective. I don't really know, probably just have to use your intuition about telling someone about health issues. Getting to know someone romantically is always somewhat awkward so if its not perfect when you tell her(if you tell her) then thats just the way dating is. When dating it always seems like you're doing the wrong thing but if the other person likes you, then they will see the good in you no matter.

I haven't told my employer or people I work with that I have ITP even though I've worked there for 8 years. I don't want to appear frail or risk being discriminated against. When I do tell acquaintances/friends I usually down-play it as something that has few symptoms like "being on a blood thinner". Actually no one seems to care much lol
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  • Lman
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1 year 3 months ago - 1 year 3 months ago #72863 by Lman
Hey Posemint!
Thanks for your kind reply. I hope you have had a great holiday.
I told her and after a while, it broke up. Not sure if it was about ITP or not but it was also long-distance and had several other issues. A lesson I learned is that I'd never start a long-distance relationship since apart from every problem it has for everyone, for me if they ask about health, then I cannot lie and since long distance relationship is romantically weaker than an in-person relationship, chances are higher that it would end.

I also broke up with a classmate, over a trivial issue (She broke up cuz I was arguing about abortion laws, with some references). She raged and although I knew her for a few weeks, it was a little disappointing and made me sad for a while. I had some symptoms and I suspect it might be of that. I have had relationships ended, but this one ended with an argument which wasn't nice (and not my fault). Another limitation ITP would bring to my life is that I shall look into a more stable relationship as tolerating a bad partner would be of too much a burden to carry other than ITP.

I'm now single and feel lonely a bit. I don't have many friends and I also live alone (in the US, far from family). My ex has applied to this university and I hope she gets admitted. I found her to be the best person I ever met. But in a college town of 20-30 thousand students, it is disappointing to be single (and also lonely) :). I also tried several dating apps but to no avail. Next semester classes would be in person (as opposed to this one which was online) and I'd have more time to find new friends (either dating or friends).

But let's also focus on good things. Thank God, I have had my medication covered. It was stressful (as also one doctor visit got denied and got me scared that might affect meds) But I won't check the website again. I won't check till they send a bill and then I'd argue. So far no bills in my mailbox and thanks, God. I got an A+ average this semester. I am now on a small prednisone dose over a bad week I had but I hope I can wean off quickly.
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1 year 3 months ago - 1 year 3 months ago #72874 by poseymint
Sounds like you are doing well with the reason that you are at the university, your studies. Friends are important but they tend to come and go whereas career is your foundation.

I totally agree that with ITP and my other autoimmune disorder, I have to watch out for difficult people. I’ve had to learn better boundaries. I don’t like people who are draining or create too much drama. Autoimmune has made me more sensitive or maybe I was always sensitive, now I’m just aware of how I’m physically affected.

Sounds stressful to argue with the classmate, sounds like it was a hot topic for her and triggered her anger, but perhaps its not the end. I’ve found it’s hard to avoid people who I’ve had a highly charged interaction with. I keep running into them! I’ve learned that if I say a little something to them or wave to them it can soften the conflict. They might respond or not but I’ve done my part by reaching out. Just that simple hello to them can clear my stuck emotions, which in turn helps me to be healthier and kind of empowered.  

Once early in my treatment, my hematologist got very angry at me for continuing on Nplate because it was so expensive and I refused to get a splenectomy. He was blowing a fuse saying what I was doing was the problem with the entire medical system. Back then 2015, it was expected that a person have a failed splenectomy before going to the expensive TPOs. I couldn’t see the sense in that. I didn’t argue with him just stood my ground, but the next week my platelets had fallen to 1. He came running to the rescue and everything was smoothed over, I got my Nplate with no further flack from him. But it showed me how emotional stress can crash my platelets. 

take care, great your nplate is most likely getting paid for! Its not easy haha but it’s been a good drug for me so has been worth it. 
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1 year 3 months ago #72907 by ImPatient
I haven't dated anyone since my diagnosis and am curious what your reasons would be to tell a partner at all unless it's super serious, really long term.
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1 year 3 months ago #72908 by ImPatient
Amazing you got your meds covered, that's the reason I didn't go back to the US yet, not knowing what help I'd receive.
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  • Lman
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  • We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.
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1 year 2 months ago - 1 year 2 months ago #72999 by Lman
It was a hard journey lol. Thank God, and definitely the great hospital stuff.

Regarding dating, oh, I didn't date anyone for like 2 years after diagnosis. I now mostly do it for fun as I'm not ready for a long-term relationship.

And oh, I've started going to an ice skating class. Surprisingly it is only me wearing a helmet, while hamlets are mandatory in Canada. The good part is there are 13 ladies and only 2 males. A great dating pool ;)

Poseymint, I've heard work insurance is better than school insurance, right? So I hope I'm not going to have trouble with having meds covered after graduation if I still needed them. I just couldn't imagine what was the situation before ObamaCare, and being denied for having a pre-existing condition (the case in many other countries, like Canada). People would literally have to die! I hope no one's hand in the US ever gets to rescind ObamaCare. Amen.

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  • Lman
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  • We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.
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1 year 2 months ago - 1 year 2 months ago #73001 by Lman
P.s:
With all this dating stuff, I was still single on the valentines day (which was kinda sad on the night tbh) and I I'm kinda overworked too. Living in the US is kinda challenging. It is only work, work, work!

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